When I was a young man, late teens, early twenties, my brother had a saying, "Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly is all the way through". Over the years that saying has stayed with me, as it encapsulates so many of the attitudes humans have towards others, both physically as well as emotionally. This saying is also not gender specific, it swings both ways, so to speak.
My Grandfather, who was/is a massive influence in my life, also had a saying, and used to tell me often,"Never marry a beautiful woman, because you'll always live in fear".
Even though I love both my Grandfather and brother dearly, I honestly don't think they knew what the hell they were talking about on this issue, the issue of internal and external beauty.
When it comes to intimacy, all of us, both male and female, have things we look for in a partner. Notice I used the "intimacy", not specific to "physical intimacy", as intimacy incorporates all of our deeper interactions with another person, such as talking, sharing of thoughts, listening as well as the touching and caressing of our partner to please them.
These "things" we look for have a purpose, to arouse us on some level, to begin an interaction with another person. For woman it may be the "tradesman look", "the wealthy businessman" or the "rugby boy" type of male, just to describe a few types of male appearances. For males it may be the "slutty" look, the "secretary", or the "homely" look which appeals to them, again picking only a few types of female appearances. Whatever the external appearance, there is a "beauty" attached to the person being looked upon. The physical appearance, not the style of person only, is another factor which is part of this basic stage of arousal. The way they have their hair, the structure of their face, the shape of their body, their smell, all of these are also components of the first "second glance" scenario.
Even though this external beauty/appearance is somewhat integral to our initial point of interest in another person, is it the ultimate, most important aspect to seeing the "real" person?
Over the years, I have met individuals whom have been considered "beautiful", both male and female, but in truth, they have had the darkest hearts you could imagine. Like the finest crystal, they looked gorgeous, flawless and untouchable on the outside, and hollow with no substance on the inside.
There is a game thats played by groups of friends, male and female, which is one of the saddest games I could imagine. If the "victim" finds out they have been part of the game, it's a horrendous scenario for them, however, I think it even sadder for those that actually play it. It's a "social" game, played at either a pub, nightclub or any function where alot of people are gathered in a social envirement.
At the beginning of the evening, everyone playing the game puts in an amount of money to be won by the winner at the end of the night. The aim of the game, to pickup and have sex with the ugliest person that can be found at the designated venue. To prove yourself the winner, you either have to allow others in the group to watch, without the victim knowing, or film it for viewing later. This game is played by the darkest, saddest and ugliest people you would ever hope to meet.
As individuals, what is it we really want in a partner, best friend, husband or wife? What is it that makes us truelly beautiful, in the eyes of others, as well as to ourselves?
Physical size of a person does not mean they are ugly, whether they be large or small/thin, their hearts and minds are what makes someone truely beautiful, in my opinion. The way they consider you and your emotions and principals, the way they please you and in turn show you how to please them. The ease of laughter which comes from within them, not in sarcasm, but pure joy. The fact they put others first, with no love of the "me, me,me" syndrome that so many people seem to have in this day and age.
Being "hollow" does have an advantage and benefit though: if you allow yourself to open up, you can easily be filled with very precious, beautiful contents.
Next time you meet someone, look for their true beauty, it won't be hard to miss.....if it's there to begin with.
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