How often, in various aspects of our lives, do we feel inadequate, a failure, unworthy of positions we may hold or the direction of life which we have chosen for ourselves. We struggle to find our "place", or balance within our own sphere of daily activity, struggle to carry a sense of being and worth within our hearts.
As children we are taught certain rules and boundaries by those who raise us, including grandparents, parents, siblings and friends of the Family. Whether these rules and guidelines are good or bad, a certain percentage of what we are taught as children will stay with us as we move through our teens and into adulthood. As adults we discard those rules which we feel don't necessarily apply to us, and form new rules and boundaries which we choose to live by. Thats life, and thats how society progresses, again, in either a good or bad fashion.
However, how often do we allow the boundaries and rules that others live by to effect us, at the expence of the person we are within our own hearts? I would suggest that this is a common thread for everyone, with the extent of this factor varying in each of us.
My GrandFather taught me much, and I remember being in his carport, tinkering with some project we were working on together, and I made a comment about my best not being good enough. I think I was 9 or 10 years of age. He turned to me, and with a stern but loving expression on his face, he said, "If you know that you have done your best, and tried the hardest you can, then your best is always good enough"
As a child, I didn't understand the full implications of what he was saying, but as I've grown into an adult, a husband(twice..lol), a father and grandfather, I've realised there is so much more to what he said to me that day.
There are many "types" of people in this world, with personalities as varied as our individual fingerprints, and each of those personalities that we encounter in our lives will effect us to some extent.
Work, family life, pleasure, leisure and even the mundane activities such as going to the corner shop, there are personalities which we encounter which we remember, for whatever reasons.
Some we purposfully allow to have a greater effect on us than others, but there is always some "residue" left with us from every person we meet.
Learning about ourselves, coming to terms with who we are internally/emotionally and finding acceptance and balance within ourselves is paramount to prioritising the residue left by others on our hearts and minds. Although it is often quite difficult to look inside ourselves, as I've mentioned in other blogs, it can be very interesting and fun.
Very often, the feelings of failure and inadequacy we may feel are not generated from within, they are generated by the boundaries and expectations projected onto us by others. We have psuedo-adopted another individuals rules and boundaries and used those when gageing our own actions, as either a success or failure, when in reality we should be looking at our own internal sliding scale as to whether we have been successful or not in whatever action we are justifying in our own mind.
If you know you are doing your best, you are considerate and sensitive to/of others, and harm no-other, then your best will always be good enough, regardless of the projections of others. The issue is theirs to contend with, not your own.
Friday, 27 May 2011
Wednesday, 18 May 2011
BtB weekend fun.
On the weekend just gone, I had one of the best weekends of my life: I spent three days in Townsville for the "Beat the Bastard" Charity Free Ride for Gravity Sports.
This is the third year the free ride has been held, which is staged to generate money to go towards Cancer Research.
This year, 55 of Australia's best gravity riders from the majority of main gravity disciplines attended. Gravity Bike, Streetluge, Classic Luge and Standup were represented, with two World Champions coming to play on Mt Stuart, one of the most challenging roads to ride in Australia.
Brett Phillips: ex-G-Bike World Champion.
Merrick Wildash: current Junior Standup World Champion.
"BtB" was conceptualised around a dining table, late one night, as a way of supporting the main organiser in his fight with Prostate Cancer. The idea was put forward with love and friendship in the hearts of those who were there that night, and that feeling of closeness has been perpetuated through every event. Those who form the actual "BtB" Organising Committee put in hundreds of hours of work to make sure that every rider who attendes this legal event has as many rides as he/she can handle over a two day period.
From 6am to 6pm, on the Saturday and Sunday, the Mt Stuart road is closed, and is transformed from a public access road into a Gravity Riders Disneyland. Laughter, disciplines riding with other disciplines, and genuine friendship and mateship make this very special weekend the weekend that it is, and to such an extent that every rider who leaves at the end of the event can't wait to get back the next time "BtB" comes round again.
I have been involved in Gravity Sports since early 1995, and have met many very amazing people over the years. However, this "BtB" event brought home how tight Gravity Riders are, and how unigue each individual person is.
Two months after the 2010 "BtB" I was diagnosed, and over the last few months my mobility has altered greatly. I walk with crutches now, with several limitations to my everyday life, as the illness progresses. But to the people I shared Mt Stuart with, my frustrations of needing help meant nothing, as they opened their hands and hearts to help me enjoy the hill with them, as an equal. I used to ride streetluge, and as things changed within me I've begun riding a G-Bike, and I'm loving it!!! To get into the back of the truck, all the riders would lift me onto the tray, and lift me down at the top of the hill, getting my bike for me, and riding beside me as we began our runs. One very special man, who's large in stature with an even bigger heart, would put his arms around me and just pick me up, and with the gentle words, "Hang on, my friend", he would lower me to the ground and made sure I was ready to roll. Regardless of discipline, everyone I had the pleasure to ride with was the same....not sorrow for me, but honest friendship and love.
Gravity Sports is not only a lifestyle for many of us, it is a definate passion. Every rider looks out for the other, and each joy when riding is quickly shared with other riders at the bottom of the hill you are riding. I rode with very close friends from Canberra, Berridale, Townsville, Brisbane, Sydney and Melbourne. Some riders I met for the first time, old and young, male and female....but it made no differance, because we are part of the Gravity Family.
"BtB" is a totally unique gathering, with very, very special people. Male or female, regardless of discipline the individual rides, the riders at this event, along with the hardwork of an amazing organising crew, make it what it is......the core and truthfullness of what we do, enjoy and share...we are Family!
This is the third year the free ride has been held, which is staged to generate money to go towards Cancer Research.
This year, 55 of Australia's best gravity riders from the majority of main gravity disciplines attended. Gravity Bike, Streetluge, Classic Luge and Standup were represented, with two World Champions coming to play on Mt Stuart, one of the most challenging roads to ride in Australia.
Brett Phillips: ex-G-Bike World Champion.
Merrick Wildash: current Junior Standup World Champion.
"BtB" was conceptualised around a dining table, late one night, as a way of supporting the main organiser in his fight with Prostate Cancer. The idea was put forward with love and friendship in the hearts of those who were there that night, and that feeling of closeness has been perpetuated through every event. Those who form the actual "BtB" Organising Committee put in hundreds of hours of work to make sure that every rider who attendes this legal event has as many rides as he/she can handle over a two day period.
From 6am to 6pm, on the Saturday and Sunday, the Mt Stuart road is closed, and is transformed from a public access road into a Gravity Riders Disneyland. Laughter, disciplines riding with other disciplines, and genuine friendship and mateship make this very special weekend the weekend that it is, and to such an extent that every rider who leaves at the end of the event can't wait to get back the next time "BtB" comes round again.
I have been involved in Gravity Sports since early 1995, and have met many very amazing people over the years. However, this "BtB" event brought home how tight Gravity Riders are, and how unigue each individual person is.
Two months after the 2010 "BtB" I was diagnosed, and over the last few months my mobility has altered greatly. I walk with crutches now, with several limitations to my everyday life, as the illness progresses. But to the people I shared Mt Stuart with, my frustrations of needing help meant nothing, as they opened their hands and hearts to help me enjoy the hill with them, as an equal. I used to ride streetluge, and as things changed within me I've begun riding a G-Bike, and I'm loving it!!! To get into the back of the truck, all the riders would lift me onto the tray, and lift me down at the top of the hill, getting my bike for me, and riding beside me as we began our runs. One very special man, who's large in stature with an even bigger heart, would put his arms around me and just pick me up, and with the gentle words, "Hang on, my friend", he would lower me to the ground and made sure I was ready to roll. Regardless of discipline, everyone I had the pleasure to ride with was the same....not sorrow for me, but honest friendship and love.
Gravity Sports is not only a lifestyle for many of us, it is a definate passion. Every rider looks out for the other, and each joy when riding is quickly shared with other riders at the bottom of the hill you are riding. I rode with very close friends from Canberra, Berridale, Townsville, Brisbane, Sydney and Melbourne. Some riders I met for the first time, old and young, male and female....but it made no differance, because we are part of the Gravity Family.
"BtB" is a totally unique gathering, with very, very special people. Male or female, regardless of discipline the individual rides, the riders at this event, along with the hardwork of an amazing organising crew, make it what it is......the core and truthfullness of what we do, enjoy and share...we are Family!
Sunday, 8 May 2011
"Let Man be punished for his own sins, and not for Adam's transgression"
The quotation above will be recognised by some, as it's an "Article of Faith", pertenant to the particular faith I have.
It obviously has a religious overtone, relating to how we perceive and judge others, and is a platform to self-critique our own actions.
In my own life, I have a slightly differant twist to this Article of Faith, putting it into a more "laymans terms" expression: "White, Black, Pink or Green, if you're an arsehole you're an arsehole"
How often are we guilty of labelling others, not looking at them as individuals but seeing them as an entity within a group or catagory which either society, the media, Family or religious sect we belong to labelled as a "certain type", and we blindly follow suit, without questioning this act of judgement, but are prepared to be sheep to satisfy others and gain perceived acceptance of that particular group.
Pressure to conform to the expectations of others has been part of Humanity since time began, from Family, friends and Religious Faith, which I find extremely hypocritical, especially from a religious point of view. Every religion teaches tolerance and forgiveness, however, in reality, it seems the majority of religions of the world are the first to judge and condemn whole groups of people, from minority groups who differ in thought and principals to entire Nations, without either looking at the individuals involved in the group/Nation and holding the individual accountable for his/her own actions, nor do many consider the motivations of the individual/groups actions.
Within every group/Nation/Religion, there is always a fundamentalist group of individuals who become the focus of attention due to the exposure they receive because of their actions, and in an instant the whole group/Nation/Religion is labelled and judged on those actions and intent of a small group.
These comments will be equated, by many, as a comment on whats happening with the Middle East, Osama and Islam, ie, the reader making a judgement on the overall, not the individual aspect, and thats fair enough, it's a perfect example, although this example is not the motivation for writing about this particular topic. My motivation was more of a personal observation on things happening around me, in my life, and certainly not an attempt to "right the World".
How often are we judged by others, harshly and totally out of context, based on misinformation, looks, friends we have or the particular group we gladly/willingly associate with on a day to day basis?
However, in turn, are we guilty of doing the same?
Looking at an individual, and allowing them to show themselves to you, without bias or prejudice, is sometimes one of the hardest things to do, as in order to allow that to happen we, in turn, have to open our own hearts to accept them, and that is often not an easy task.
Before we can look at another individual, without bias, we have to look at ourselves first, our own hearts and motivations, and accept the person within, good, bad or ugly, and come to peacefull terms with who we are. Once we have done that, and can be open about that which makes us tick, and have opened the closed doors within our own hearts, it is only then we can look at another in an honest attempt to understand them, their life, loves and motivations.
Ugliness is not a natural order of things, it is a manufactured human attribute created by people who either haven't looked at themselves and come to a peacefull understanding of their spirit, or they haven't accepted who they are, and lay blame at the feet of others.
The wonderous aspect to all this, for me, is that we continously grow and learn about ourselves all the time, with every incident which challenges our motivations and principles, and how we react to them.
Life itself is only a short experience, and this time period in my life is wonderful, in many, many ways.
Why?
Because those whom have showed me their hearts, and have held my hand and embraced me, have shown me what true beauty is, and what true friendship encapsulates.
An expression which has so few words, but holds so much meaning, in so many ways:
"We just is"...:)
Just my thoughts.
The quotation above will be recognised by some, as it's an "Article of Faith", pertenant to the particular faith I have.
It obviously has a religious overtone, relating to how we perceive and judge others, and is a platform to self-critique our own actions.
In my own life, I have a slightly differant twist to this Article of Faith, putting it into a more "laymans terms" expression: "White, Black, Pink or Green, if you're an arsehole you're an arsehole"
How often are we guilty of labelling others, not looking at them as individuals but seeing them as an entity within a group or catagory which either society, the media, Family or religious sect we belong to labelled as a "certain type", and we blindly follow suit, without questioning this act of judgement, but are prepared to be sheep to satisfy others and gain perceived acceptance of that particular group.
Pressure to conform to the expectations of others has been part of Humanity since time began, from Family, friends and Religious Faith, which I find extremely hypocritical, especially from a religious point of view. Every religion teaches tolerance and forgiveness, however, in reality, it seems the majority of religions of the world are the first to judge and condemn whole groups of people, from minority groups who differ in thought and principals to entire Nations, without either looking at the individuals involved in the group/Nation and holding the individual accountable for his/her own actions, nor do many consider the motivations of the individual/groups actions.
Within every group/Nation/Religion, there is always a fundamentalist group of individuals who become the focus of attention due to the exposure they receive because of their actions, and in an instant the whole group/Nation/Religion is labelled and judged on those actions and intent of a small group.
These comments will be equated, by many, as a comment on whats happening with the Middle East, Osama and Islam, ie, the reader making a judgement on the overall, not the individual aspect, and thats fair enough, it's a perfect example, although this example is not the motivation for writing about this particular topic. My motivation was more of a personal observation on things happening around me, in my life, and certainly not an attempt to "right the World".
How often are we judged by others, harshly and totally out of context, based on misinformation, looks, friends we have or the particular group we gladly/willingly associate with on a day to day basis?
However, in turn, are we guilty of doing the same?
Looking at an individual, and allowing them to show themselves to you, without bias or prejudice, is sometimes one of the hardest things to do, as in order to allow that to happen we, in turn, have to open our own hearts to accept them, and that is often not an easy task.
Before we can look at another individual, without bias, we have to look at ourselves first, our own hearts and motivations, and accept the person within, good, bad or ugly, and come to peacefull terms with who we are. Once we have done that, and can be open about that which makes us tick, and have opened the closed doors within our own hearts, it is only then we can look at another in an honest attempt to understand them, their life, loves and motivations.
Ugliness is not a natural order of things, it is a manufactured human attribute created by people who either haven't looked at themselves and come to a peacefull understanding of their spirit, or they haven't accepted who they are, and lay blame at the feet of others.
The wonderous aspect to all this, for me, is that we continously grow and learn about ourselves all the time, with every incident which challenges our motivations and principles, and how we react to them.
Life itself is only a short experience, and this time period in my life is wonderful, in many, many ways.
Why?
Because those whom have showed me their hearts, and have held my hand and embraced me, have shown me what true beauty is, and what true friendship encapsulates.
An expression which has so few words, but holds so much meaning, in so many ways:
"We just is"...:)
Just my thoughts.
Thursday, 5 May 2011
Your animal.
If you could be an animal, what animal would you chose?
For me, the answer is easy, I'd be a bird, an Eagle or Albatross.....to be able to stretch out my wings, feel the gentle pressure of the wind under them and to rise and glide....almost pure emotion attached to movement. Just to drift along with the wind, to slowly lean your body in one direction or the other to change direction, scoring food when you needed, and the rest of the time just cruising...:)
Friends of mine have said they'd like to be a Bear, because of the strength of the animal, others would be dogs or cats, or small "forest animals", each of them having personal reasons as to why they choose the animal they did. For each, whether they realised it or not, their choice of creature was an indication of the person they were/are, alligning themselves with attributes of that respective animal, attributes they either felt they had, or desired.
I had a friend who wanted to be a snail, but I couldn't get my head around that one...lolololol.
As a young man, I read a book called "Jonathon Livingston Seagull", and 38 years later I still have a copy. The copy I have is packed away for my children, and even though they've read it already, and certain seeds planted within their minds, this copy will be a gentle reminder, hopefully, of the life principles held within it's pages.
Jonathon Livingston is a seagull...(ah, duh)...and lives within a flock, however struggles with the idea of a seagulls life of fighting for food, with no hope of anything in life, other than getting as much food as possible.
The one thing he loves is flying, and for hours at a time he will be off along nearby cliff faces, learning about updraft, crosswinds, and how these things effect his wings and flightpattern/path. Because of his love, and the knowledge within him that his desire to learn is righteous, the flock banish him into exile, to live by himself away from the Flock so he has no negative influence.
Even though this book is not long, nor a literary masterpeice, the principles it holds are very worthy, and has effected everyone I know who's read it with an open heart in one way or another. So I don't spoil the story for anyone, I won't disclose any more of the story line.
Jonathon learnt that there are some aspects of life that we cannot alter, ie, we are born, we need to eat and eventually, for whatever reason, when it's our turn, we leave this life and move on.
But those are the basics of life, and it's the principles of what we learn and act, how we open our hearts and look at others, with love, respect and consideration...those are the things which fill the pages of our own individual books.
Every major incident is a "chapter", and each chapter is filled with pages of experiences, hurts as well as loves.
I think the trick for all of us is to be desirous of writing a very large novel, and turn it into a Masterpeice, and not be resigned to your "Lifes Book" being thin and unread, dusty on the shelf without anyone ever wanting to turn the pages. Some chapters will never be opened, or shared with very few, and thats natural, but the greater portion of the book should be filled with joy, love and as many experience as is possible.
Everybodies book is worth reading, the question is, are we prepared to read anothers book as well as sharing our own pages with them.
Just my thoughts.
For me, the answer is easy, I'd be a bird, an Eagle or Albatross.....to be able to stretch out my wings, feel the gentle pressure of the wind under them and to rise and glide....almost pure emotion attached to movement. Just to drift along with the wind, to slowly lean your body in one direction or the other to change direction, scoring food when you needed, and the rest of the time just cruising...:)
Friends of mine have said they'd like to be a Bear, because of the strength of the animal, others would be dogs or cats, or small "forest animals", each of them having personal reasons as to why they choose the animal they did. For each, whether they realised it or not, their choice of creature was an indication of the person they were/are, alligning themselves with attributes of that respective animal, attributes they either felt they had, or desired.
I had a friend who wanted to be a snail, but I couldn't get my head around that one...lolololol.
As a young man, I read a book called "Jonathon Livingston Seagull", and 38 years later I still have a copy. The copy I have is packed away for my children, and even though they've read it already, and certain seeds planted within their minds, this copy will be a gentle reminder, hopefully, of the life principles held within it's pages.
Jonathon Livingston is a seagull...(ah, duh)...and lives within a flock, however struggles with the idea of a seagulls life of fighting for food, with no hope of anything in life, other than getting as much food as possible.
The one thing he loves is flying, and for hours at a time he will be off along nearby cliff faces, learning about updraft, crosswinds, and how these things effect his wings and flightpattern/path. Because of his love, and the knowledge within him that his desire to learn is righteous, the flock banish him into exile, to live by himself away from the Flock so he has no negative influence.
Even though this book is not long, nor a literary masterpeice, the principles it holds are very worthy, and has effected everyone I know who's read it with an open heart in one way or another. So I don't spoil the story for anyone, I won't disclose any more of the story line.
Jonathon learnt that there are some aspects of life that we cannot alter, ie, we are born, we need to eat and eventually, for whatever reason, when it's our turn, we leave this life and move on.
But those are the basics of life, and it's the principles of what we learn and act, how we open our hearts and look at others, with love, respect and consideration...those are the things which fill the pages of our own individual books.
Every major incident is a "chapter", and each chapter is filled with pages of experiences, hurts as well as loves.
I think the trick for all of us is to be desirous of writing a very large novel, and turn it into a Masterpeice, and not be resigned to your "Lifes Book" being thin and unread, dusty on the shelf without anyone ever wanting to turn the pages. Some chapters will never be opened, or shared with very few, and thats natural, but the greater portion of the book should be filled with joy, love and as many experience as is possible.
Everybodies book is worth reading, the question is, are we prepared to read anothers book as well as sharing our own pages with them.
Just my thoughts.
Friday, 29 April 2011
Constant parameters of Life...and Death.
The World is filled with questions....millions of questions, some of which can be answered, some which cannot, and some questions don't deserve an answer, they are simply asked not for direct knowledge to be gained, but merely to be pondered upon. A multitude of Religions exist on this planet as a way of answering certain questions: where do we come from, what is our purpose and where are we going form the basis of every religion known to Mankind. Faith is the key to selecting which religion you follow to receive the answers to the questions asked.
Most of us would assume that religion would generate the most questions asked by us, as humans, and I dare say thats probably a fair assumption. In turn, those questions asked of this topic form another aspect which is integral to what makes us differant from anything else on this planet, animal or vegetable. The sheer fact we ask questions and ponder the possible answers makes us differant. Animals, for example, generally operate on instinct, a parameter of that specific animals existance which dictates much of the day to day living/activities of that animals life.
Plants are the same: within the boundaries of "what they are", plant instinct controls what happens to a plant. For example, the Sun shines, rain falls and the plant grows. It hasn't made a conscious decision to grow, or not to grow, under those circumstances, it merely does what it knows it should:grow.
(The concept of plants having a spirit and conscious thought is for the reader to decide or dismiss, I sharn't enter that particular discussion)
Physicists, for example, study that which is around us (to simplify what they do), and work within the parameters set down by the particular discipline they are studying. Certainly more knowledge is being gained on a daily basis by these scientists, but as they learn more, they also set into place a knowledge base of "constants" which form the foundation of their movement forward on discovering more attributes of the world around us. Mathematicians are the same, dealing with "constants" and "variables" within the framework which forms the world of equations. But even though constants are found and set in place, to find a constant, you have to initially ask a question.
"The one thing I do know, is that I know nothing at all".....interesting little thought, isn't it...:)
As humans, with the intellect we posses, we are always asking questions, whether we realise it or not, and certainly some asking more questions than others. However, are we really as smart as we think we are, as we stumble along in life trying to deal with greatest quandery that exists in an individuals life...ourselves and the people around us.
Many of the old Asian religions and Faiths not only consider Celestial questions, ie, Who is God, etc, but they also recognise and deal with the questions which are raised by us regarding ourselves: our emotions and subsequent actions, our interactions with others as well as "What can my body and mind do".
After all the individuals who've made various studies on various subjects, I find it personally amazing that we seem to know so little about ourselves and others. We may know what our individual body can or cannot do, to a certain extent, and we may think we know "ourselves", but do we really know what makes us, and others, tick. Sadly, I don't think we do.
Our "driving forces" and personal "disciplines" seem to be one of the hardest "constants" to establish, by that I mean that those disciplines of right and wrong, how to treat others with love, respect and consideration, are such a huge variable between individuals, that we need to recognise and nurture those constants within ourselves first, and having once done that, we can be the true individual within each of us.
Your personal disciplines are one of the main characteristics which make us individuals, a
"variation" on every other person whom exists at this point in time, those who have gone before and those whom will come after. These personal disciplines will guide you through your life..and your death, and will be the basis of what you leave behind.
If you say you love someone, and they are your friend, mean it, do not faulter, and allow that to be a "constant".
Respect of others, sensitivity and consideration, these are the "constants" we, as humans, seem to struggle with the most, and yet they are the "constants which will bring the greatest peace in our lives".
There will be times in your life when you need to stand with a friend, when they need you. Be a "constant" for them, do it with love......and have peace within yourself.
Most of us would assume that religion would generate the most questions asked by us, as humans, and I dare say thats probably a fair assumption. In turn, those questions asked of this topic form another aspect which is integral to what makes us differant from anything else on this planet, animal or vegetable. The sheer fact we ask questions and ponder the possible answers makes us differant. Animals, for example, generally operate on instinct, a parameter of that specific animals existance which dictates much of the day to day living/activities of that animals life.
Plants are the same: within the boundaries of "what they are", plant instinct controls what happens to a plant. For example, the Sun shines, rain falls and the plant grows. It hasn't made a conscious decision to grow, or not to grow, under those circumstances, it merely does what it knows it should:grow.
(The concept of plants having a spirit and conscious thought is for the reader to decide or dismiss, I sharn't enter that particular discussion)
Physicists, for example, study that which is around us (to simplify what they do), and work within the parameters set down by the particular discipline they are studying. Certainly more knowledge is being gained on a daily basis by these scientists, but as they learn more, they also set into place a knowledge base of "constants" which form the foundation of their movement forward on discovering more attributes of the world around us. Mathematicians are the same, dealing with "constants" and "variables" within the framework which forms the world of equations. But even though constants are found and set in place, to find a constant, you have to initially ask a question.
"The one thing I do know, is that I know nothing at all".....interesting little thought, isn't it...:)
As humans, with the intellect we posses, we are always asking questions, whether we realise it or not, and certainly some asking more questions than others. However, are we really as smart as we think we are, as we stumble along in life trying to deal with greatest quandery that exists in an individuals life...ourselves and the people around us.
Many of the old Asian religions and Faiths not only consider Celestial questions, ie, Who is God, etc, but they also recognise and deal with the questions which are raised by us regarding ourselves: our emotions and subsequent actions, our interactions with others as well as "What can my body and mind do".
After all the individuals who've made various studies on various subjects, I find it personally amazing that we seem to know so little about ourselves and others. We may know what our individual body can or cannot do, to a certain extent, and we may think we know "ourselves", but do we really know what makes us, and others, tick. Sadly, I don't think we do.
Our "driving forces" and personal "disciplines" seem to be one of the hardest "constants" to establish, by that I mean that those disciplines of right and wrong, how to treat others with love, respect and consideration, are such a huge variable between individuals, that we need to recognise and nurture those constants within ourselves first, and having once done that, we can be the true individual within each of us.
Your personal disciplines are one of the main characteristics which make us individuals, a
"variation" on every other person whom exists at this point in time, those who have gone before and those whom will come after. These personal disciplines will guide you through your life..and your death, and will be the basis of what you leave behind.
If you say you love someone, and they are your friend, mean it, do not faulter, and allow that to be a "constant".
Respect of others, sensitivity and consideration, these are the "constants" we, as humans, seem to struggle with the most, and yet they are the "constants which will bring the greatest peace in our lives".
There will be times in your life when you need to stand with a friend, when they need you. Be a "constant" for them, do it with love......and have peace within yourself.
Wednesday, 27 April 2011
Look on the inside...thats where the beauty is!!!
When I was a young man, late teens, early twenties, my brother had a saying, "Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly is all the way through". Over the years that saying has stayed with me, as it encapsulates so many of the attitudes humans have towards others, both physically as well as emotionally. This saying is also not gender specific, it swings both ways, so to speak.
My Grandfather, who was/is a massive influence in my life, also had a saying, and used to tell me often,"Never marry a beautiful woman, because you'll always live in fear".
Even though I love both my Grandfather and brother dearly, I honestly don't think they knew what the hell they were talking about on this issue, the issue of internal and external beauty.
When it comes to intimacy, all of us, both male and female, have things we look for in a partner. Notice I used the "intimacy", not specific to "physical intimacy", as intimacy incorporates all of our deeper interactions with another person, such as talking, sharing of thoughts, listening as well as the touching and caressing of our partner to please them.
These "things" we look for have a purpose, to arouse us on some level, to begin an interaction with another person. For woman it may be the "tradesman look", "the wealthy businessman" or the "rugby boy" type of male, just to describe a few types of male appearances. For males it may be the "slutty" look, the "secretary", or the "homely" look which appeals to them, again picking only a few types of female appearances. Whatever the external appearance, there is a "beauty" attached to the person being looked upon. The physical appearance, not the style of person only, is another factor which is part of this basic stage of arousal. The way they have their hair, the structure of their face, the shape of their body, their smell, all of these are also components of the first "second glance" scenario.
Even though this external beauty/appearance is somewhat integral to our initial point of interest in another person, is it the ultimate, most important aspect to seeing the "real" person?
Over the years, I have met individuals whom have been considered "beautiful", both male and female, but in truth, they have had the darkest hearts you could imagine. Like the finest crystal, they looked gorgeous, flawless and untouchable on the outside, and hollow with no substance on the inside.
There is a game thats played by groups of friends, male and female, which is one of the saddest games I could imagine. If the "victim" finds out they have been part of the game, it's a horrendous scenario for them, however, I think it even sadder for those that actually play it. It's a "social" game, played at either a pub, nightclub or any function where alot of people are gathered in a social envirement.
At the beginning of the evening, everyone playing the game puts in an amount of money to be won by the winner at the end of the night. The aim of the game, to pickup and have sex with the ugliest person that can be found at the designated venue. To prove yourself the winner, you either have to allow others in the group to watch, without the victim knowing, or film it for viewing later. This game is played by the darkest, saddest and ugliest people you would ever hope to meet.
As individuals, what is it we really want in a partner, best friend, husband or wife? What is it that makes us truelly beautiful, in the eyes of others, as well as to ourselves?
Physical size of a person does not mean they are ugly, whether they be large or small/thin, their hearts and minds are what makes someone truely beautiful, in my opinion. The way they consider you and your emotions and principals, the way they please you and in turn show you how to please them. The ease of laughter which comes from within them, not in sarcasm, but pure joy. The fact they put others first, with no love of the "me, me,me" syndrome that so many people seem to have in this day and age.
Being "hollow" does have an advantage and benefit though: if you allow yourself to open up, you can easily be filled with very precious, beautiful contents.
Next time you meet someone, look for their true beauty, it won't be hard to miss.....if it's there to begin with.
My Grandfather, who was/is a massive influence in my life, also had a saying, and used to tell me often,"Never marry a beautiful woman, because you'll always live in fear".
Even though I love both my Grandfather and brother dearly, I honestly don't think they knew what the hell they were talking about on this issue, the issue of internal and external beauty.
When it comes to intimacy, all of us, both male and female, have things we look for in a partner. Notice I used the "intimacy", not specific to "physical intimacy", as intimacy incorporates all of our deeper interactions with another person, such as talking, sharing of thoughts, listening as well as the touching and caressing of our partner to please them.
These "things" we look for have a purpose, to arouse us on some level, to begin an interaction with another person. For woman it may be the "tradesman look", "the wealthy businessman" or the "rugby boy" type of male, just to describe a few types of male appearances. For males it may be the "slutty" look, the "secretary", or the "homely" look which appeals to them, again picking only a few types of female appearances. Whatever the external appearance, there is a "beauty" attached to the person being looked upon. The physical appearance, not the style of person only, is another factor which is part of this basic stage of arousal. The way they have their hair, the structure of their face, the shape of their body, their smell, all of these are also components of the first "second glance" scenario.
Even though this external beauty/appearance is somewhat integral to our initial point of interest in another person, is it the ultimate, most important aspect to seeing the "real" person?
Over the years, I have met individuals whom have been considered "beautiful", both male and female, but in truth, they have had the darkest hearts you could imagine. Like the finest crystal, they looked gorgeous, flawless and untouchable on the outside, and hollow with no substance on the inside.
There is a game thats played by groups of friends, male and female, which is one of the saddest games I could imagine. If the "victim" finds out they have been part of the game, it's a horrendous scenario for them, however, I think it even sadder for those that actually play it. It's a "social" game, played at either a pub, nightclub or any function where alot of people are gathered in a social envirement.
At the beginning of the evening, everyone playing the game puts in an amount of money to be won by the winner at the end of the night. The aim of the game, to pickup and have sex with the ugliest person that can be found at the designated venue. To prove yourself the winner, you either have to allow others in the group to watch, without the victim knowing, or film it for viewing later. This game is played by the darkest, saddest and ugliest people you would ever hope to meet.
As individuals, what is it we really want in a partner, best friend, husband or wife? What is it that makes us truelly beautiful, in the eyes of others, as well as to ourselves?
Physical size of a person does not mean they are ugly, whether they be large or small/thin, their hearts and minds are what makes someone truely beautiful, in my opinion. The way they consider you and your emotions and principals, the way they please you and in turn show you how to please them. The ease of laughter which comes from within them, not in sarcasm, but pure joy. The fact they put others first, with no love of the "me, me,me" syndrome that so many people seem to have in this day and age.
Being "hollow" does have an advantage and benefit though: if you allow yourself to open up, you can easily be filled with very precious, beautiful contents.
Next time you meet someone, look for their true beauty, it won't be hard to miss.....if it's there to begin with.
Sunday, 24 April 2011
First Anzac.
I attended my first ANZAC Parade this morning, a Dawn Service as well as the march and following service. There are various reasons why I haven't attended a service before, however this morning I had a very good reason to attend; my 14 year old son was marching and participating in his role as a AAFC...an Australian Air Force Cadet.
My Family, in past generations, are military families, to a certain extent. Army and Airforce, as well as some non-military merchant seamen thrown in for good measure( one of my "great" relatives was a Stoker on the Titanic, which is quite ironic, as he was not a very pleasant individual by all accounts )
In a sense, it was because my Family were military that I hadn't attended a march/service before, but thats a longer story within itself.
The closest I ever came to joining up was being an Army Cadet at school, but as it would turn out, in later life I became part of a civilian based security unit working with similar units from various countries in the early 1990's. I have seen things which I would not wish on anyone, but I dare not compare it to the soldiers of the past or present, it merely gives me an appreciation of the greater sorrows they have seen and experienced, and the respect that goes with those thoughts.
Never having seen active service, as our soldiers have done, I would never presume to know how servicemen/women and ex-service men and women feel about there experiences, however I would say I could totally empathise with the images which must constantly be with them, and the subsequent emotions associated with those images.
From this mornings activities, there are two scenes which standout for me, very differant on the outside, but very much the same on the inside.
I got my motorcycle licence before I got my car licence, and have always had bikes in my life. When I was 40 I joined the Ulysses Club, as a present to myself..lol. This morning, the Vietnam Vets arrived at the Dawn Services, the rumble of the bikes making the ground and air vibrate, deep within everyone who was present. I was too young to go to Vietnam, missed out by four years, however I have worked and been associated with alot of Vets, so seeing these men and woman arrive was amazing. The guys I've known over the years would speak very little about their "tours", occassionally letting small stories out as we spoke, instances of fear and horror, images and emotions they keep inside as they are not only too hard to describe, but also in the knowledge that many would not understand. I talked often with a friend of mine, a man from an English Father/Chinese Mother who was born and raised in Shanghai, and was used by the Americans as a linguist during much of the Vietnam conflict. The scenes he came across, like many, many of the Vets, was soul destroying, and made him question much of his life's teachings. Resolution was not part of Ron's life, just "placement" of what happened, within his heart, was the best he could do. As the Vets on their bikes parked up and gathered together, I looked at them, asking, "What have you seen, what have you been through, for your country" (Forgive me if this sounds cliche, it honestly is not meant to be). These men, and the woman with them just quietly gathered together and sat, and at the end of the service they stood and without any pomp or ceremony, rode away as a group. The bonds between these Vets was obvious, the emotion was clear, as many had tears streaming down their faces as they shook hands with oneanother, few words spoken nor needed, as no words could come close to what they were obviously remembering and sharing, silently, with each in that group. The most noticeable aspect was the older Veterans from skirmishes prior to Vietnam...why....because they all looked at the Vets andd tears were running down there faces also, a bond across years, regardless of politics and governmental blunders and decisions.
The second, very touching, scenario was an older Veteran who stood and placed a Wreath on behalf of the soldiers who fought in Tobruk. This gentleman was in his 80's, tall, and in his younger years would of been a very impressive figure. When his name was called, he quietly stood, and with the aid of a cane, walked with stiff legs to the Shrine, gently placed the Wreath, and as he slowly stood up, placed his hand on his Heart and stood for a short time in silence. After a time, he simply nodded to the Wreath, slowly turned and made his way back to his seat. Why did this ex-serviceman effect me so, I truely don't know, but I remember thinking that he has seen much in this world, I wonder what he has told anyone about his thoughts, and whether anyone has actually asked him what is in his Heart and what he'd like to share.
I have friends who are currently serving, or have just finished their time in the service. One young man has just finished his third tour of Afghanistan, and he's not even 24. Another man, a person whom I hold very dear, with total respect, still serves. He speaks more with his eyes than his words, even if he doesn't realise it...:).
During both services this morning, I looked around me at the people present, and then looked at my young son in his Dress Uniform, and I admit, easily, I was filled with pride at the personal discipline he displayed. He is one of the most gentlest people I know, and would never hurt anyone or anything intentionally, but the pride was still there, as he stood in his uniform, alongside other Cadets as well as Soldiers from the past. The thought of him going into active service overseas, when he's old enough, filled me with dread, but those feelings are natural as his Dad. The greater emotion was "That is my son, he is growing up and making his own pathway". My chin quivered, and a tear rolled down my face.
After the service, he came up to me and put his arms around me and said "I'm tired, old man"(he calls me that very lovingly), and when I told him I was proud of him and that I loved him, he stood back, and placing a hand on my shoulder he said "I love you too, Dad".
Why am I so open about these type of moments and write about them: because too often we hide moments like these, we don't allow them to happen, and we don't tell our children or the ones we love how much we love them, and appreciate them for who they are. In turn, for me, including this moment between my son and I is also part of ANZAC Day and similar moments in life......do we show the respect and appreciation to the ones who deserve it, or do we just let things go by without acknowledging the sacrifices made by others for us.....do we say the things which need to be said, or do we hide behind barriers created within our own minds, for whatever reasons.
Just my thoughts:
My Family, in past generations, are military families, to a certain extent. Army and Airforce, as well as some non-military merchant seamen thrown in for good measure( one of my "great" relatives was a Stoker on the Titanic, which is quite ironic, as he was not a very pleasant individual by all accounts )
In a sense, it was because my Family were military that I hadn't attended a march/service before, but thats a longer story within itself.
The closest I ever came to joining up was being an Army Cadet at school, but as it would turn out, in later life I became part of a civilian based security unit working with similar units from various countries in the early 1990's. I have seen things which I would not wish on anyone, but I dare not compare it to the soldiers of the past or present, it merely gives me an appreciation of the greater sorrows they have seen and experienced, and the respect that goes with those thoughts.
Never having seen active service, as our soldiers have done, I would never presume to know how servicemen/women and ex-service men and women feel about there experiences, however I would say I could totally empathise with the images which must constantly be with them, and the subsequent emotions associated with those images.
From this mornings activities, there are two scenes which standout for me, very differant on the outside, but very much the same on the inside.
I got my motorcycle licence before I got my car licence, and have always had bikes in my life. When I was 40 I joined the Ulysses Club, as a present to myself..lol. This morning, the Vietnam Vets arrived at the Dawn Services, the rumble of the bikes making the ground and air vibrate, deep within everyone who was present. I was too young to go to Vietnam, missed out by four years, however I have worked and been associated with alot of Vets, so seeing these men and woman arrive was amazing. The guys I've known over the years would speak very little about their "tours", occassionally letting small stories out as we spoke, instances of fear and horror, images and emotions they keep inside as they are not only too hard to describe, but also in the knowledge that many would not understand. I talked often with a friend of mine, a man from an English Father/Chinese Mother who was born and raised in Shanghai, and was used by the Americans as a linguist during much of the Vietnam conflict. The scenes he came across, like many, many of the Vets, was soul destroying, and made him question much of his life's teachings. Resolution was not part of Ron's life, just "placement" of what happened, within his heart, was the best he could do. As the Vets on their bikes parked up and gathered together, I looked at them, asking, "What have you seen, what have you been through, for your country" (Forgive me if this sounds cliche, it honestly is not meant to be). These men, and the woman with them just quietly gathered together and sat, and at the end of the service they stood and without any pomp or ceremony, rode away as a group. The bonds between these Vets was obvious, the emotion was clear, as many had tears streaming down their faces as they shook hands with oneanother, few words spoken nor needed, as no words could come close to what they were obviously remembering and sharing, silently, with each in that group. The most noticeable aspect was the older Veterans from skirmishes prior to Vietnam...why....because they all looked at the Vets andd tears were running down there faces also, a bond across years, regardless of politics and governmental blunders and decisions.
The second, very touching, scenario was an older Veteran who stood and placed a Wreath on behalf of the soldiers who fought in Tobruk. This gentleman was in his 80's, tall, and in his younger years would of been a very impressive figure. When his name was called, he quietly stood, and with the aid of a cane, walked with stiff legs to the Shrine, gently placed the Wreath, and as he slowly stood up, placed his hand on his Heart and stood for a short time in silence. After a time, he simply nodded to the Wreath, slowly turned and made his way back to his seat. Why did this ex-serviceman effect me so, I truely don't know, but I remember thinking that he has seen much in this world, I wonder what he has told anyone about his thoughts, and whether anyone has actually asked him what is in his Heart and what he'd like to share.
I have friends who are currently serving, or have just finished their time in the service. One young man has just finished his third tour of Afghanistan, and he's not even 24. Another man, a person whom I hold very dear, with total respect, still serves. He speaks more with his eyes than his words, even if he doesn't realise it...:).
During both services this morning, I looked around me at the people present, and then looked at my young son in his Dress Uniform, and I admit, easily, I was filled with pride at the personal discipline he displayed. He is one of the most gentlest people I know, and would never hurt anyone or anything intentionally, but the pride was still there, as he stood in his uniform, alongside other Cadets as well as Soldiers from the past. The thought of him going into active service overseas, when he's old enough, filled me with dread, but those feelings are natural as his Dad. The greater emotion was "That is my son, he is growing up and making his own pathway". My chin quivered, and a tear rolled down my face.
After the service, he came up to me and put his arms around me and said "I'm tired, old man"(he calls me that very lovingly), and when I told him I was proud of him and that I loved him, he stood back, and placing a hand on my shoulder he said "I love you too, Dad".
Why am I so open about these type of moments and write about them: because too often we hide moments like these, we don't allow them to happen, and we don't tell our children or the ones we love how much we love them, and appreciate them for who they are. In turn, for me, including this moment between my son and I is also part of ANZAC Day and similar moments in life......do we show the respect and appreciation to the ones who deserve it, or do we just let things go by without acknowledging the sacrifices made by others for us.....do we say the things which need to be said, or do we hide behind barriers created within our own minds, for whatever reasons.
Just my thoughts:
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